Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sometimes you just feel like shit.

I'm having one of those nights. The rest of my college courses are dependent upon one course that I need this summer that may or may not be offered. So I'm stuck in limbo, waiting around to see if it will manifest itself. I'm both holding my breath and trying to keep my hopes down so I don't end up crushed if it doesn't make. Right now I'm wondering why I chose the major I did. Couldn't I have done something easy, like International Studies or History? No, I chose Accounting. The most difficult major in the business school and probably the most complicated 5 year graduation plan offered. I don't know why I chose death through schooling, I must be a glutton for punishment. Right now all I want to do is quit school for a while, do some traveling, maybe try my hand at writing professionally... and kill that damned cicada outside my window. That little bastard is going to die if he doesn't shut up. But really, if it were up to me, I'd travel - see Europe, Washington DC, New York, LA, Hollywood, Chicago... maybe even audition for parts in TV shows and movies. Not like I'd get any parts, but who cares? It would be the experiences that would matter. I'd take painting lessons, horseback riding lessons, dancing lessons, singing lessons, get back into shape, and learn a hell of a lot more than I would sitting in a classroom. But those aren't realistic dreams. They're fantasies, alternate lives that I could have lived had different decisions been made, by me and by others. So back to the real world. Right now I'm going to curl up in bed, listen to my iPod to drown out that effing cicada, and do some reading. For fun. Because it's been way too long since I've read anything for fun and it might just help me escape from my life for a while...

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